Coming home: how microdosing helped me reclaim my body

For most of my life, I lived outside of myself.

I could move. I could function.
I could work, push, perform, keep going long past the point of exhaustion.

And it didn’t feel hard, because it didn’t feel like anything.
It felt numb.

I didn’t have access to my body in the way I do now.
I lived in my mind — managing, controlling, producing — and my body was something that got dragged along for the ride.

Over-functioning didn’t feel like survival.
It felt like normal.

What Changed

Two years ago, I began a microdosing practice.
Slowly. Gently. With ritual. With integration.

And over time — without force, without dramatic moments — I started to notice something different.

I could feel my body.
Not just as a machine to be pushed harder.
Not just as a project to manage or fix.

As me.

Building a Home Inside

Microdosing, paired with intentional integration practices like journaling, rest, movement, and breathwork, helped me start building a home inside myself.

It wasn’t about escaping pain or achieving some perfect version of healing.
It was about witnessing.
Sitting inside my own experience without needing to rush past it.

Now, when I move — when I lift, when I ski, when I simply walk across the room — I can drop in and witness.

I feel which muscles are working.
I notice when I’m holding my breath (aside from the rare occasion at the gym when my buds have to say, “Rach, you’re not breathing”).
I hear the quieter signals my body sends — the ones I used to run right past.

And witnessing, it turns out, is one of the most powerful experiences there is.

Because you can’t tend to what you can’t feel.
You can’t love what you can’t touch.
You can’t truly heal what you aren’t willing to be with.

Coming Home

Healing, for me, hasn’t been about doing more.
It’s been about coming closer.
About making space for the life already happening inside me.

Microdosing didn’t give me something I didn’t have.
It helped me remember what was always mine.

A home.
A body.
A life lived from the inside out.